Review - The Gay Cowboy Movie
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
a.k.a. The Gay Cowboy Movie
Movie Review
Okay, really?
Now I’m not one for the gay movies. Call it an eccentricity of mine, but I am just not interested in guys in love with each other. Especially if they’re gonna be expressing that love visually. Bleah. That’s just something I personally would rather steer clear of. Odd I know.
But come on, a COWBOY movie? Was that really necessary? The one genre which you should be able to count on for just killin’ and gunfightin’ and pretty saloon ladies and gamblin’ and drinkin’ and then more killin’ is the Western. C’mon, this is the type of movie JOHN WAYNE is in. CLINT EASTWOOD. GARY COOPER. 
SAM…whatsisname. The guy with that huge scary mustache… ELLIOTT. WALTER BRENNAN. JACK ELAM. CHARLES BRONSON.
Notice how the cowboys’re getting progressively uglier? That’s because the Wild West ain’t no place for pretty-boys. The gayest you are allowed to get in a cowboy movie is Val Kilmer. And he wasn’t gay, he just seemed like it cz he was from Georgia.
I guess the strategy here was, “Hey, I know how to generate hype about our little gay love story…let’s set it in the OLD WEST! That’ll get people talking! OOH NO, BETTER IDEA…we’ll have it set in the MILITARY! No wait, we’re at war; that may be pushing it a bit. We don’t wanna offend people too much. Okay what were we saying? Right, so OLD WEST!”
Well I’ll say this for Brokeback Mountain, at least they didn’t try to TRICK me into watching it. The trailer came on the screen and said, “Hey here’s the movie, it’s about these gay cowboys.” First my brain spent about six minutes reconciling what I was seeing, going, no, I did not drop off to sleep here and start having nightmares in the movie theater; yes, I really am seeing this; yes, apparently there is going to be a gay cowboy movie. To which I replied, “Okay great, thanks for the warning, I will stay far away from this one. I appreciate your honesty.”
I have to commend them for that, because up to this point, deception seems to be the standard way to try to make people go see a gay movie. Like that Kevin Kline movie In & Out or whatever it was? They totally advertised it as a hilarious comedy about a drama teacher whose student wins an award, and then thanks his drama teacher on television, and happens to mention that the drama teacher is gay, much to the drama teacher’s suprise since he’s NOT GAY, he just seems like it. And then the hilarity no doubt ensues.
But what it really was was, okay, hey, here’s this kid who wins an award and thanks his drama teacher on television, and happens to mention that the drama teacher is gay, much to the drama teacher’s suprise since he’s NOT GAY, he just seems like it, OH WAIT! Yes he IS. He just DIDN’T KNOW IT y’see. Oh! Well! Now that he knows it, the remaining hour of the movie can be spent exploring all this new gayness and what he can do about it and making out with Tom Selleck. Gosh did we forget to put that bit in the movie trailer?
YEAH, THAT’S ODD, YOU FAILED TO MENTION THAT when you ADVERTISED THE MOVIE. What? Oh, you didn’t want to give away the ending? No no, don’t try that on me. What it was was that you were terrified that no one would SEE it if you were HONEST about it and it wouldn’t MAKE MONEY, so you made out like it was a DIFFERENT movie than it was. And you were right, if you’d told me what it was REALLY about, I wouldn’t've seen it. So well done.
Or that movie with Jennifer Aniston and that guy from Clueless. They totally set it up as Jennifer Aniston likes this gay guy, but, you know, it’s Jennifer Aniston, and she’ll make him see it her way, wink wink. And then the hilarity will no doubt ensue.
Oh but noooo….it turns out the guy’s REALLY gay and not at all undecided about that fact, and Jennifer Aniston’s really wasting her time. Hey wait…is this a drama? Because I saw the movie preview and I could SWEAR it was going to be a lighthearted romantic comedy! ARRGH SCREWED AGAIN!
Well, Hollywood, all this really did was make me so wary of being LIED TO by misleading movie trailers that now if there’s a movie that comes out even involving a gay character I just invoke the “In & Out Policy”; which is, nope, sorry, not taking a chance on falling for that one again, I’ll stay the heck away. Is this the tolerance and acceptance you were hoping for, Hollywood? Good going.
Now you know, it is possible to make a good, watchable, commercially successful movie involving gay people. Philadelphia. Great movie. Great acting. Nice tense courtroom drama. And yet they still could’ve easily screwed it up. You know how they managed not to screw it up? They didn’t beat you over the head with the gay thing throughout the movie. Well they did in that one scene where Tom Hanks raves very creepily about whatever opera he’s listening to and makes the entire theater (excluding the three people who like opera) shift uncomfortably in their seats. (And even the ones who like opera are going, “Okay, yeah, opera is good but not THAT good”.) But other than that, they stuck to the story and told it well.
So anyway, there’s my review of Brokeback Mountain. I typically prefer to see a movie before I review it but with some movies that’s just not necessary. If they remake it with cowgirls I’ll go see it. 
pingback: