Random Thoughts

THAT PARTICULAR TIME
alanis morrisette

my foundations were rocked
my tried-and-true way to deal
was to vanish

my departures were old
i stood in the room
shaking in my boots

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PROJECTED REACTION OF THE GIRLFRIEND WHEN SHE HAS A KID
Just look at him, it’s a little miracle…He’s so tiny, look at those little fingers, with little tiny fingernails…I’ve got to go to Baby Gap and get him some of those cuuuuuute socks…wow he looks so peaceful sleeping like that with his little mouth open…look how much hair!  I just want to hold him all day and all night…oh his little cheeks are flushed, I wonder if he’s too hot?  I hope I can be a good mother and not spoil him but not let him get away with murder either…

PROJECTED REACTION OF ME WHEN I HAVE A KID
It’s kinda ugly

NEWSCASTERS!  WHY do you say ‘AN HISTORIC’? It’s ‘A historic’. Read very carefully:

‘This is a historic occasion.’

See that big consonant there after the A????  Well, that’s how you know not to use an ‘an’.  See how I used an ‘an’ just then (ooh, there I did it again)?  Because it was before a VOWEL, not a CONSONANT.  That’s the rule.  Second grade, I believe they taught us this.  If there’s a vowel, use an; if not, use a.  SIMPLE.  Which is why they taught it in second grade.

‘ I live in AN HOUSE next to AN HIGHWAY and am AN HERMIT.’ NOOOO! We dont’ say that, why should we say ‘AN HISTORIC’?

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I hereby proclaim this day National Get In Front of Me and Go 8 MPH Day. 

Apparently many of you already know about this day.  What is with you people.

I will say this for you, you were apparently organized–you covered BOTH lanes so that we–those of us who, for some reason, like going the speed limit AT THE VERY LEAST–were forced to remember how to use that middle pedal down there.  Yet you maintained the appearance that you were working independently of one another….the staggered positioning, the 1 MPH variation in speeds, never making eye contact with one another…very professional.  And you moved at just the last possible second before I committed to the idea of using the middle turn lane, as if you could sense it.

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Y’know I still don’t remember what I was going to say about cussing, so I guess I will finally get around to talking about Chili’s managers.

Oh!

Maybe it’s just that CUSSING is a weird word too.

Here’s why:
It’s CURSING! CUSSING means CURSING.  Anyone will tell you that CUSSING and CURSING mean the same thing.  If I said, “@#$%#$%#@”, then I cussed.  If I said, “@#%$#^#%#@$%”, then I cursed.  They are curse words, and they are cuss words. Completely interchangeable, no slightly different connotation, nothing.

In fact, it’s certainly true around here, and maybe everywhere, that more people say CUSS than CURSE.  “He said a cuss word,” sounds normal.  “He said a curse word,” sounds kinda weird.  When you say ‘curse word’ you feel kinda like maybe you said it wrong, like you were being too proper or something.  But ‘cuss word’ rolls off the tongue.

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