Random Thoughts

Yay USA

One night on the front porch, there was a scuffling sound.  I opened the door to see

A possum!  Awwwww, look at the little face!  Now, for those of you who don’t know, possums are by far the stupidest animals in the entire world, if you don’t count some humans.  This is why nearly all the possums you’ve ever seen in your life have been dead on the side of the road.  They just don’t understand that those fast-approaching huge loud hunks of metal with huge bright headlights and blaring horns could possibly be any kind of threat until about twenty minutes after it’s too late.

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Come on.  Haven’t we put her through enough?

4. The Lady at the Horseshoe-shaped Desk.

Well I just don’t know what to think of her.  

When Dana introduced us at her library, she had apparently told the woman ahead of time that I wasn’t very social, because when Dana introduced us, she leaned over close to her and said in a low voice, “Chris is probably freaking out right now,” and the Horseshoe-Shaped-Desk woman upon hearing this shot up off her stool, turned her head sharply towards me, looked at me appraisingly, and said, “Oh, is this the one?” 

So apparently all Dana does at the library day in and day out is talk about me and my lack of people skills. This woman stared at me like a chemistry student stares at the final chemical reaction which will prove or disprove her thesis.

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3. Ama.
Real name:  available for a fee.

We didn’t actually meet Ama, seeing as Ama is in Canada, which is a heck of a long way from Dallas. (Sorry NOT Dallas.) But to be fair, there are parts of Texas that are a heck of a long way from Dallas. So Ama is a particularly long way from Dallas.

One day, Dana sits up straight and says, “Okay, we’re going to talk to Ama now.”

Sherrill replied, “Umm…”, and I added, “Uhh…”, but Dana was already walking down the hallway.  So we shrugged and docilely followed along.

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2. Eddie.
Real name: Eddie.

Dana’s husband Eddie was kind enough to pick us up from the airport and did NOT miss his turn on the way back to the Dana Household, I assure you. 

As we waited for Eddie at the airport, Sherrill made me a bet on how long it would take Eddie to offer us food.

This wasn’t our first time meeting Eddie, so we knew to expect that 80% or so of all conversation he made with us would be spent making sure that we had enough to eat.  Not just a simple ‘are you hungry?’; he might start with that, but then he’d move into elaborate suggestions of possible food combinations that might interest us, like a tourist in Vegas pulling the lever over and over, trying to hit a triple-bar.  Neither one of us are particularly big eaters, so we would end up feeling really bad, having to constantly decline Eddie’s offers of food and assuring him that we had had enough to eat, and we got very good at saying ‘no’ very apologetically.

So Sherrill bet we’d get asked about food in under two minutes.  I considered this, I mean yeah, he has this sort of food fixation, but come on, under two minutes?  So I gave Eddie the benefit of the doubt, although not particularly confidently, and I took the bet.  Surely two minutes would pass without food being mentioned!

Eddie drove up and we piled into his truck and he said, “Hey, how are you guys doing? Have you had anything to eat?”

Under ten seconds.

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1. Wench.
Real name:  Mary.  A friend of ours online, and a big fan of the Rennaissance Faire.

e walked down a shadye path to her little costume store, where she makes Fancye Costumes of All Sorts.  Dana led the way into her shoppe, my gyrlfriende Sherrill following, me bringing up the rear (in order to delay the inevitable social situation). But this is where having a Dana comes in handy…she was sort of the designated conversationalist. I finally meet Wench, and she and her, ah, Two Friends approached me cautiously and offered me a hugge, which I accepted gratefullye (in order to delay the inevitable social situation).

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I just saw the new Get Smart movie starring Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway! 

It was fantastic!  It’s sure to sweep every major category at the Academy Awards this year!

…

…Would you believe that it might get a nomination for a People’s Choice award?  For lighting?

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Tonight, tonight, tonight, it’s comin’ tonight, hot dang tonight!

Please don’t suck
Please don’t suck
Please don’t suck
Please don’t suck
Please don’t suck

Sherrill: So we need to have some sort of theme in the baby’s room.

Chris: Oh do we?

Sherrill: Yeah, like drawings or something all over the walls.

Chris (doubtfully): Sounds like work.

Sherrill: Well we’ve got to have one!

Chris: What are you going to draw?

(furious glare from Sherrill)

Chris: Oh I see, you throw out the orders and I do all the work.

Sherrill: Yes.

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